Valentine's Day

It's that time of year once again, when love is in the air more evidently than almost any other day within the year.

It's a day when the prices of roses go up absurdly, and when restaurants, hotels (and motels) are usually fully booked or entertaining long cues of waiting patrons.

It's a day that my wife and I have - since we were just boyfriend and girlfriend -decided to shun and keep away from. Back then, we called it "baduy" to wear red or go out on a date on the 14th of February. Today, we call it "jologs".

Yesterday (Sunday) our daughter proposed that we be "the Red Team" again - meaning that we should all wear red when we went to hear Mass. So red it was. As we stepped into the church, my wife whispered to me "we better not be the red team next week", pertaining to Valentine's Day, "Jologs yun ha". I laughed and agreed with her.

This morning on our favorite morning show, they featured gifts one should not give on Valentine's Day because they would supposedly spell doom for the lovers who went against the advise of the Valentine Sages:

• Don't give shoes. The giver would be under the control of the other in the relationship. It also supposedly means that the recipient will eventually walk away from the relationship.
• Don't give belts or necklaces. It supposedly symbolizes how the giver will hold the other on a "leash' of sorts. If you must give a necklace, let the recipient put it on herself or himself.
• Don't give roses with the thorns still in place. It means that one will definitely get hurt in the relationship.

And what do I say?

Give what you believe your significant other deserves.

I wonder how giving shoes would make the giver a slave to the whims of the other? Only a person who is not growing in a relationship, or who does not have enough self-respect will ever come under the control of another person. In a real relationship of love, there are times when you take control, and times when you let the other take control. It is a mutual understanding of letting each other grow. Control has no place in a relationship unless it is willingly relinquished for the good of the relationship.

Necklaces and belts? I gave my wife a necklace as a graduation gift. It was a beautiful gold necklace of three tones: white, yellow and red gold. My fingers were shaking when I put it around her neck, and to this day, my wife laughs when she remembers how I looked putting the necklace on her with her mother (now my mother-in-law) watching. Ask my wife: she will tell you that I have never led her on any kind of leash - literal or virtual.

And for the roses? Well, practically speaking, if you give a person a rose with the thorns not cut off - someone is bound to get hurt. So I guess this is more a practical advise than advise based on the "powers that be".

But people do get hurt in relationships. It's all a part of the growing. Whether the pain breaks you up or brings you closer together is really all up to the both of you. It's never a one-way road - if it is, then there is no relationship to speak of.

Even in our relationship with God, there is pain.

You lose your job. You lose a loved one. You get terminally ill. You are down on your knees. You're beaten almost to a pulp. You're pressed, persecuted and struck down.

You could enumerate far more examples of pain or hurt that you have experienced or may be experiencing today - how they affect you is ultimately dependent on who you view God to be in your life.

Don't forget that Jesus suffered much pain. His Love for the Father caused Him to become obedient unto death - even to death on a cross. It was God's ultimate love for us that made Him decide to make the ultimate sacrifice of giving the life of His Son for our sake. And it was Jesus' ultimate Love for God the Father that made him say "not MY will, but YOURS be done..."

Yes, there is pain and hurt in relationships. But you decide if this pain will make or break you.

God the Father decided that it was a hurt that would be worth it - for it meant that we would have the chance to spend eternity with Him in heaven. It is the same in any relationship. Learning from the pains and growing from them means that we have a chance to experience a taste of heaven with the one we love and have professed our love for.

So what is the best gift for Valentine's Day? Give him or her shoes to wear as you decide to journey through life together. Give him or her a belt to keep the pants on securely as you go through rough times. Give him or her a necklace to show the world just how precious your love for each other is.

And give him or her flowers - not necessarily roses - but the flowers that can only come from a garden grown and cultivated in the hearts of those whose love is true.