"A Time to Mourn..."



Ma. Teresa Amor Dignadice
July 20, 1939 - November 15, 2011

Ma. Teresa Amor Dignadice.  "Mamita".  It's been a good two months since I last saw her face - since I last held her hand.

 

I received the call at just around noon.  In between controlled sobs, my wife said "It's Mama... they say she's not breathing anymore..."

 

Everything after that was a blur.  Of all the days I decided to commute, it had to be THAT particular day.  I should have known:  since midnight of the day before up until just before six in the morning, I had stood beside Mama as she lay in bed in the ER of the local hospital.  She would complain of pain - but in no particular area.  Her speech was limited to cries of pain.

 

Only after the doctors at the ER confirmed through a few tests that "nothing was really wrong with her" did we finally ask if she wanted to be admitted or not.  She said she wanted to go home.  Little did I know what she really meant when she said she wanted to go home.

 

I arrived home to see a few friends standing at the open gate of Mama's place - a few of them gathered just outside the main door.  The funeral service was already waiting patiently outside the house.  Everyone stepped aside as I walked in.  There she was, lying peacefully on the couch that had served as her favorite resting and napping place for the months leading up to that day.

 

The next few days and nights were just overwhelming:  friends, neighbors and family never left us alone for a single moment.  Love was overflowing - if there was any way we could have collected all that love, I'm sure we could have filled countless containers - enough to share with everyone else.

 

The downside?  All throughout those days, up to when we finally lowered Mama's casket into the ground (with Papa's ashes in the casket with her) - up until today - I never had the opportunity to mourn her passing.

 

I have always had to be the strong one.  Just as it was when Papa passed away 10 years ago.  I have never really mourned Papa's passing either.

 

Friends, always find time to slow down and mourn.  Yes, to laugh in good times is always a better alternative, but when one must, choose to mourn in sad times.  It is never a show of weakness.  It is a symbol of our acceptance of our humanity.

 

So here I am, two months after Mama has passed, ten years after Papa went to his eternal rest too - and I have yet to mourn their passing. How I pray for the opportunity.  After all, I too, am human.